Merging My Two Identities...
For about a year now, I have had 2 separate public Instagram accounts where I post regularly.
I had my personal account, with all of my friends, family, and people that I have met along the way. I also had a “recovery” account, where I talked about my personal struggles with perfectionism and my journey to recovering from an eating disorder.
I decided to make a separate space for the recovery posts out of fear of judgement from peers, and unfollows because people just didn’t care.
I was nervous that people would think that what I was posting was irrelevant or weird, so I decided to niche myself in the recovery community and chose not to post the really personal crap on my “real” account.
This was fine for a while, but recently I feel like I am putting on a show on both platforms.
On one account I will post a perfectly posed, edited photo- essentially my highlight reel.
At the same time, I will post a quote about embracing imperfection on the other.
I never intended to feel like I had to hide from certain aspects of my life, but lately I feel like having a separate account for my blog and my thoughts is taking away from my authenticity.
Likewise, I am afraid to post about the movement that I enjoy (boxing, yoga, etc) out of fear of triggering or inappropriately representing recovery behavior. But in all reality, I don't want to have to overanalyze what I post out of fear of judgement or criticism. I am not going to be perfect at recovery, or yoga, or LIFE.
Long story short, I realized that I was doing a whole lot of people pleasing, and I want that to come to an end.
I want to merge all parts of myself and become a whole, authentic, human on the internet. I want to be able to share everything that I love, all in one place. I want the people reading my bog and looking at my images to be getting an accurate representation of who I actually am.
I don’t want to have to live under the label of the recovery girl or the yoga girl or the smart girl or whatever.
I just want to be Natalie. All parts of me. Authentic. Fearless. Real.
My wisdom, humor, and passion are all gifts that I want to share to anyone who is willing to listen.
I no longer want to filter out things that have happened to me out of fear of not being accepted.
I know that the best way to show up in the world and attract positive energy is by braving this wilderness and holding my truth.
So that is what I will be doing from now on.
I will just be Natalie. With lattes, and quotes, and good books, and avocado toast, and headstands, and travel, and everything that makes my soul shine.
I hope you stay along for the ride.